one of the worst things about loafy peanut is that i snuggle her and then forget that my hands are all doggy and then i poke at my eyes and terrible things happen
the other day my left eye got so itchy and grotesque that when i went to wipe away an eye booger from the corner of my eye it was apparently attached to a long hideous brainroot eye booger and tl;dr it was an inch long and i felt it come out from really deep under my eyelid and i screamed really really fucking horribly like a baby being sawed in half
i always have bizarre and vivid dreams and hella butt problems the night before i get my period. once i had a bizarre and vivid dream ABOUT hella butt problems and i woke up sticky with blood and i was so fucking pissed i just laid in bed in my own blood for like an hour.
also that one time you fell asleep on a pile of actual chocolate and woke up in a chocopuddle
i used to sleepwalk. one morning, when i was on my period, i woke up with a strange pain in my vajeeper. i went to the bathroom and discovered that i had shoved 3 tampons inside myself during the night, and a 4th was sitting in my panties.
OH GOD I DID THAT ONCE except it was a washcloth and it was just folded up in my undies, apparently sleepwalkin me was defeated by trying to open the tampon cellophane because there were a handful of them thrown all over the floor
TMI Thursday here again, I never explored enough to actually find things in my vagina. After the toilet paper incident, I thought it was like a vacuum and it just sucked things up into my body and then it would go through my digestive track so I never really worried about it. I mean, I already ate paper so what did it matter if it just went through a different entrance to the same exit?
omg im glad im not the only one who had this problem when i was young i found all kinds of suff in my vag becuase idk when your younger your vag is still new to you and its like i wonder what it can do so you just explore with it but like my grandpa use to give me a quarter whenever he would visit and my brother would always take it so one time i just stuffed it down my pants and totally forgot about and later i found it in there
That TMI Thursday anon reminded me of the time in 3rd or 4th grade when I went to the bathroom and found a marble in my vag. I'd been playing with marbles in my bed before going to sleep, but I truly have no idea how it managed to get up there. I didn't really understand what was going on in my crotch area back then, so I too just filed away this mysterious knowledge that sometimes, your crotch eats stuff. Like, oh, this is just one of those mysteries of life.
TMI Thursday! When I was little, I was obsessed with getting my period and being a "big girl." So I used to fold up toilet paper and put it in my panties. One time, I went to the bathroom and the toilet paper was gone. My reaction was shock. Not because I thought it had fallen out or whatever while I was on the playground, but because I thought my vagina had eaten it. I spent about 4 years believing that my vagina could eat things so I never put toilet paper in my panties again. THE END!
How did the first lesbians happen? Good question, and you asked the right man: the first lesbians happened in cavemen times, after all the cavemen got mauled to death by a mammoth. “Hey,” the cavegirl said, leaning her arm on the side of her friend’s cave. “Hey. So, ah… hmm. How to say this? I’m feeling pretty horned up. Feeling pretty horno.”
"Ha ha, right?" her friend said. "Like: yeah."
"So I was thinking…" — she did a kind of pointing motion with both of her hands — "… you know maybe you and me, do it."
"How would we—?"
"You know scissoring, or something. I’ve not really thought about it. Or some basic digital insertion. Something like that. I’ve not really thought about it."
"Like I, like, sit on your—?" but it was too late, because she had taken the bone out of her hair and shaken it loose, and she had taken her lionskin toga off, and she had kind of pinned her down and was clambering crotch-first over her face. "I can’t get the—" she said, muffled somewhat, yelps of pleasure echoing around the cave. "I can’t get the angles right!"
"TURN YOUR HIPS!" she shouted. "TURN THEM! YOU’RE ON MY NOSE!"
So anyway yeah after 20 minutes of that they were basically spent and if not that then both their knees were tired, so they stopped. “So, uh,” she said. “Yeah.”
"Okay." And so they had the first ever post-scissoring conversation, their mouths still coppery and salty, their words more like nervous laughs.
"So you uh… you wanna meet up this week? My friend’s got this DJ night?"
"Oh yeah I can’t I’m busy Thursday."
“It’s on Friday.”
"Yeah I’m busy Friday too."
Then they were attacked and killed by a sabre-toothed tiger the end.
The really shitty part about the brony incident is that as some parts are being confirmed, people are getting all defensive and like "BUT THE OP DID NOT RESPOND BY THE BOOK, AND NOW A PEDOPHILE IS LOOSE. ALL FUTURE CHILDREN HARMED ARE ON THE OP AND THE BOOTH RUNNERS' HEADS." Because obviously the guy chasing a little girl around has no agency, and his behavior is outweighed by not handling major violations of the social contract perfectly. He's just a wind-up automaton of sexual violence.
yeah basically i’m just waiting for someone to say “well what was she wearing, maybe she was asking for it”
it will never be the man’s fault, how could it possibly be when FEMALES are involved